Chapter: 58 I’m sorry..

Zak: How the hell did you get in here?

Moe: Oh simple, I just told the nurse that I’m the twins stepfather.

Before I could say anything or even process what Moe had just said, Zak’s fist made contact with Moe’s cheek and Moe’s fist made contact with Zak’s nose.

The nurses came running in with security and escorted them out. I was fuming, my ex best friend and my kids’ father, the two men that I once trusted in my life have turned violent in front of my kids!

Me: What the hell were you thinking?!?!?

Moe: He was clearly not thinking..

Me: I was talking to both of you! Who starts a fist fight in a hospital, in front of twins who are not even a week old?!? Who?

Zak: I’m sorry Juwi, but this guy…

Me: Save it! You have it in for him from the time I fell pregnant.

Moe: See! That is why the twins deserve a father like me.

Me: Yah a lying dog like you is a perfect father hey?
Quite frankly right now I don’t want to see either of you and I don’t want you guys near my kids.

Zak: What the… those are my kids too! It’s my right to see them.

Me: Yah and as their mother it’s my responsibility to protect them.

Zak: Damn! I will never harm them. I love them.

Moe: If you loved them so much, you would’ve been there for them when they were born, not in a bar!

Me: That’s enough! Zak… they are your kids, so you may go in to see them and Moe you’re staying out here with me.

Zak reluctantly left Moe and I alone. I know Zak is trying to have a relationship with me, but I’m trying to ignore it. This relationship will never work and it might just make the twins life even more complicated, honestly will always be my first responsibility.

Me: Moe, what are you even doing here?

Moe: I wanted to see them and well you too.

Me: Why would you even come after all this time? Did I not make it clear that I didn’t want to see you.

Moe: Well you see Juwi, I’m a mess without you, I need you in my life and no, we can’t just be friends, I want you as my wife.

When Moe asked me to be his wife the first time, my heart flickered and my stomach erupted in butterflies, but this time I felt nothing, the only thing I felt was annoyance and anger. Annoyance at his timing and anger at him for leaving when he did. So they are right when they say, time changes things.

Me: I think we should sit.

Moe: Sure…

We sat on a bench nearby and I took extra care in leaving a big space between us.

Me: Moe, I’m not going to lie to you and keep you waiting. Yes, I’m not ready for a relationship…

Moe: I’ll wait..

Me: Let me finish.. the thing is, Moe you broke my heart and weeks after you left I cried myself to sleep, hoping it was all just a nightmare and that the next day you’ll knock on my door and ask me what do I want for breakfast and when I was awake I hoped that you’ll come up to me and tell me it was all just a joke, just an act and you really going to marry me. But that didn’t happen and I realised my once best friend broke my heart and I had to find a way to move on without you.

Moe: Just give me one more chance…

Me: The truth is, I’ve moved on. No, I haven’t found anyone, but what I once felt for you, my heart just doesn’t feel it anymore.

Moe: Are you sure? Maybe you think you have moved on because you didn’t see me for such a long time, but once you start spending time with me again, your feelings will return.

Me: Moe, honestly if there was even a flicker of what we had before, I might have given you a chance, but I’m sorry…

Moe: I get it…and Juwi?

Me: Yep?

Moe: I truly am sorry… I didn’t realise then howmuch damage I’m going to cause.

Me: I forgave you a while back, but I don’t think it’s a good idea that you return to my life.

Moe: I understand, take care Juwi.

Me: You too, Moe.

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Post dedicated to Verry Berry… your complain had encouraged me to write the next chapter๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ’–

Chapter: 57 The war continues

Who knew choosing names were so hard? On one hand we wanted unique names but we also didn’t want our kids growing up and hating us for giving them those names. Eventually our parents adviced us to keep either the Prophet’s or Sahaaba’s names and we wouldn’t go wrong.

Zak: I think we should just name my son Zakariyya junior, you’re not going to get a better name than mine.

Me: Uh moving on.

Zak: Come on Juwi, we need to find names already, they’re already 4 days old.

Me: What about Muhammed and Safiyyah?

Zak: Muhammed! Are you kidding me?? I just knew you’re thinking about him now! That’s why you keep pushing me away, because you still have feelings for that idiot!!!

Me: Why do you keep bringing up our relationship? Didn’t I tell you that we need to concentrate on the twins… why can’t you just let it go?

Before he could answer Attiyah walked in, to remind us that we need to go to the hospital. I was finally home but sadly without my twins. Since my twins were premature they had to spend the next two weeks in an incubator.

Zak: We better go..

Me: Yeah..

The car ride was silent and not the comfortable kind. This was definitely not how I imagined bringing up my kids. Fighting and never been married parents, the worst combo I can think of.

As we entered the ward we saw someone standing and watching our twins. This confused us because no one was allowed to see them besides Zak,  myself and our parents.

Me: Who is that?!?

Zak: I have no idea, but the nurses better have a good excuse for letting someone near them.

Me: Just relax, let’s see who it is first.

We rushed towards our babies’ incubators and the person who turned to look at us, left us both speechless. 

Chapter: 56 Names…

I stared at the hospital ceiling, I couldn’t believe it, I was a mother. Although I was excited …the fear of not fulfilling my babies rights or not being there for them or even worst, losing one of them haunted me.

Zak was back and although it’s a good thing, I’m scared of him leaving again when things get tough. I’m scared that he’ll turn to drinking whenever something happens in the twins lives and honestly he rather not be in their life, than my babies having a father who is a drunk, they don’t deserve that.

With all these thoughts swimming through my mind, I finally fell asleep.
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Zak: Wake up…wake up Juwi..

Me: What?! Where am I? (Touching my tummy) Where’s my babies?!?!? Zak where are they? What happened?

Zak: (Holding his tummy laughing) You..you..seriously don’t know?

Me: I lost my babies and you’re laughing…well it is what you wanted…

Zak: Hey, I’m here…that means I wanted them.

Me: Just tell me what happened, I can handle whatever it is.

Zak: I don’t know if you’ll be able to.*smirk*

Me: Zak seriously, if you don’t tell me, I will strangle you with the IV cord!!!

Zak: Fine fine, it’s pretty serious though…

Me: I’m listening..

Zak: You’re ready?

Me: Yes!

Zak: You gave birth yesterday! (Laughing)

Me: Oh My Word! Now I remember, how in the world did I forget?!?

Zak: You must have been having some dream or…

Me: Or?

Zak: The doctors put some drugs into your IV…

Me: Did they? And I can’t remember… oh my word what if they did.

Zak: I’m joking man, will you just relax. Becoming a mother has done something to you.

Me: Yah and becoming a father has given you the laughing drug.

Zak: Laughing drug?!? Seriously? Maybe I’m just excited to be a dad. Honestly…this morning, I couldn’t wait to come in and see you and the twins. (He took my hand)

Me: (Pulling my hand away) No!

Zak: What? I said I’m trying…

Me: You can try when it comes to the twins…but not when it comes to me. It does not mean that we have kids together that we need to be together.

Zak: Okay…
By the way, when can we take them home?

Me: Not right now, since I gave birth a bit early, Doctor Ebrahim said they’ll have to remain in the incubator for at least the next two weeks.

Zak: Ohh…

Me: Yeah..

The air was really awkward but I rather have it awkward, than making him believe there’s a future for us.

Zak: So uh we should discuss names….

Me: You know they can’t take your surname?

Zak: Yeah… but as long as I know and they know I’m their father.

Me: I honestly thought you’ll be angry..

Zak: Nah, we’ve been through worse..*smirk*

Me: Haha true..

Zak: So ..names?

Me: Hey .. we better choose pretty names.. we don’t want them to grow up hating us for naming them something they’ll hate…

Zak: Hate? Like what? Juwairiya? *smirk*

Me: Hey!! My name is gorgeous!!!!

Zak: Seriously though.. we need to think of names.

Me: This is hard and we have to think of two!!

The rest of the morning we spent discussing names and by the end of it we had still not agreed on any names.

Zak: Guess we rather just name them Kettle and Stove..

Me: (Laughing) Okay this is getting too much.. why don’t you decide on two names by tomorrow and I’ll decide on two and we’ll pick from there.

Zak: Right.. Deal.. let’s shake on it.. *smirk*

Me: I wonder if kettle or stove has your smirk.

Zak: I bet both of them do. *smirk*

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Okay so I guess I need to apologise for my very long break.. so to all my readers I am really sorry.

Honestly this blog was created as a pass time so I’m sorry but I can not make a post schedule..but I will try to post more often and not go on such a long break.

Thanks for all the follows and likes and hey any suggestions on the twins names ๐Ÿ˜‹ besides kettle and stove!!!

Chapter: 55 I’m here now!

Fathima’s POV

I watched the excitement around me, I tried to be excited, but my mind kept disturbing me. I had imagined that one day I’ll be giving birth to Yusuf’s children, we even discussed our kids names, and now he is gone.

I knew he was part of that gang, he told me himself, but I believed that I could be the person to change him, I’ll be the exception to the rule, he’ll be good for me. We’ll change together and eventually get married and have kids, that was the plan, but my idiot brother had to snoop around and find out.

A part of me is glad that Zak found out and it’s over, but another part of me wish he never had, maybe Yusuf and I could have been together, maybe even married by now.

Juwi was a state after giving birth, she looked pale and like she was on her way to the other side, nothing like what the mothers in movies look like!

Everyone cooed over the twins..

Abdullah: Ohhh they are sooo adorable..
Attiyah: They look like angels mahn!

Does she even know what angels look like?!?!

Mum: My grandkids (in tears) they look just like my Zak…

Okay seriously these twins just looked red and alien like, nothing like my brother or my best friend..I think everyone is just lying to themselves or maybe I’m just blind.

Zak has disappeared once again, I don’t understand why though? In Joburg aswell as in the car, he and Juwi looked as if they were getting along, he looked kind of excited about becoming a father, I wonder what happened.

I miss him… after Juwi, he was my closest friend, we shared everything, but after Juwi got pregnant.. he shut us all out, it hurt me to see him drunk, it hurt me to see him so hurt and then well when he finally came back to his senses, I was already with Yusuf and when he tried to talk to me I pushed him away. So it might be both of our faults. We both are too hurt right now, I don’t know if we’ll ever be the same.

When we left the hospital there was still no sign of Zak, my father tried calling him, the first time he cut the call and then he switched off his phone. I was pissed at him! How could he leave Juwi like that? I saw the pain in her eyes when I told her he is gone…
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Juwi’s POV

I could feel someone staring at me whilst I slept, unable to open my eyes I ignored the feeling and fell back into dreamland.

I woke up to Zak’s voice, I didn’t bother listening to what he was saying or who he was talking too, the most important thing was He was here! He cameback! Don’t get me wrong, I was still angry with him, but He was here!

Zak: Hey you..

Juwi: Where were you?!?

Zak: That’s not important right now..

Juwi: It is bloody important! If something happened to you, my children will be left fatherless!

Zak: OUR children…

Juwi: You didn’t think about the “our” part when you were in the car or when you left!

Zak: Dammit I’m here Juwi, what more do you want?!?

Juwi: Forget it, I don’t have energy to fight right now.

We were silent for a while, both of us trying to gather our thoughts.

Zak: I saw them (smiling)…

Me: You did?!?

Zak: Yep… they have your cheeks..

Me: And your eyes (smiling back)

Zak: I’m sorry Juwi, I didn’t mean what I said in the car… I just… didn’t expect you to judge me.

Me: I honestly didn’t mean too.. sooo.. tell me what were you mumbling? (Smirk)

Zak: Learning how to smirk I see..

Me: Learnt from the best.. Now tell me?

Zak: It’s kind of embarrassing…

Me: Just spill already…

Zak: Fine… I was reading Surah Yaseen..you see when I decided to change, I became friends with this pretty holy guy and I told him about you being pregnant etc. So he adviced me and told me that when you do go into labour, even if I’m not around, I should read Surah Yaseen, it’ll make your labour easy.

By now there were tears in my eyes, I had judged him, I assumed he was swearing when he was actually reading for me, for my ease.

Me: I’m so sorry for judging you Zak…I don’t know what to say.

Zak: It’s okay, just give me another chance to be a part of the twins lives.

Me: On one condition, tell me where did you go?

Zak: A club(he whispered with tears in his eyes)

Without thinking I took his hand and squeezed it..

Me: It’s okay Zak, as long as you here now…

Zak: I’m going to try, I promise!

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Dedicated to my crazy best friend, who believes newborn babies look “red..blobby and alien kind” ๐Ÿ˜‘

soo any ideas on the twins names๐Ÿ˜‹

Chapter: 54 Miracles..

They had moved me into the maternity ward, my family and Zak’s family rushed in to see me, honestly that wasn’t who I wanted to see, I looked around searching for his face. Even though we had fought in the car, I wanted to share this moment with him. During the last few days he had made me believe that he wanted to be apart of these babies lives and a small part of me wanted him in their lives. But where was he??

Fathi: He’s gone Juwi.

Me: What do you mean, he dropped me off, where could he be gone???

Fathi: We don’t know, he sneaked out some how, my father tried phoning him… his phone is switched off.

I tried to convince myself that maybe he snuck out to buy gifts for his children, but I knew the tone in Fathima’s voice meant something else.
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Zak’s POV

I ordered my drink, adrenaline rushed through me as I took in the club. This was home, the people here didn’t judge me, they didn’t take me for granted, they let me be.

As I waited for my drink, I looked around and a familiar face caught my eye. Without thinking twice, I got up from my seat, went towards him and punched his face.

Me: How the hell could you break her heart like that???

Moe: You from all people are questioning my actions!

Me: You bloody don’t ask a girl to marry you as a joke!

Moe: But leaving a woman who is pregnant is fine?

Guilt flooded through me, but no, he had no right to judge me!

Moe: What? lost for words hey?
I saw Fathima’s whatsapp display picture, looks like Juwi gave birth and I wonder what you’re doing here, when YOUR kids have just entered this world.

Me: That is non of your bloody business!

Moe: So what I did to Juwi is your business but what you do to her is not my business?

Me: She was carrying MY children.. not your’s! So Yes it is my businesss.

I only realised what I said after I uttered those words, I still cared, these were My kids. What the hell was I doing here?!?

Without paying attention to Moe, I rushed out of the club, jumped into my car and sped off back in the direction of the hospital.

Thank God I didn’t take a sip of that drink! What was I even thinking? Those drinks, that club, those people, they didn’t bring me true happiness. The last two days with Juwi had given me more happiness than any of those things could have.

I walked into the hospital and I was a mountain of nerves! I was going to meet my children for the first time, those little beings that are going to call me dad or daddy or whatever Juwi says they should call me, those kids who will cause me to go grey early but at the same time they’ll give me a reason to stay alive. My babies who I hope will love me unconditionally like how I love my parents.

I walked into the maternity ward, a nurse had stopped me informing me that visiting hours were over. My heart dropped and I turned around to walk away and then it struck me..

Me: I’m the father!!!

Nurse: Who’s father sir?

Me: The twins that were born today.

Nurse: Aaaah your wife has been looking for you..

Me: Wife?!?

Nurse: Yes, the twins mother, isn’t she your wife? I know you moslem people only have children when you tie the knot.

Me: Yes yes (I giggled softly) can you take me to her?

Nurse: Sure sure, follow me.

I couldn’t believe that Juwi was looking for ME, especially after what I said in the car.
As we entered Juwi’s room, I found her fast sleep, her skin was gone pale and even though she was asleep I could see how tired she was.

Nurse: Looks like she’s sleeping, want to see your twins? They are so precious.

I just mumbled a yes and followed her into the nursery.
My twins were in an incubator since Juwi had given birth a few weeks early.

They both were wide awake and looked at me in wonder, tears began to flow down my eyes as I realised these miracles were mines. I could see the mixture of Juwi and I in them. Normally all babies look the same to me, but no these looked like little angels. They had my light eyes and Juwi’s tanned skin…I swear I could have sat there staring at them the whole day, taking in every small detail of theirs, from their little hands to their small toes. I couldn’t wait to get a chance to carry them.

I didn’t realise I was crying until the nurse came upto me…

Nurse: Are you’re okay sir?

Me: Yes, they just so…I’m honestly speechless..

Nurse: Haha, they are a gift from God.

And then it hit me. Through all the anger, the worry and the excitement I hadn’t thought about Allah, this non-Muslim lady reminded me that these kids were a gift from Him.

Me: Sorry, where’s the muslim prayer room?

She gave me directions to the musallah and I rushed off. I made wudhu and read two rakaats of shukr, thanking Allah for stopping me from going back to clubbing and drinking and thanking Allah for my twins, who are healthy and normal.

I put my hands up in dua and cried, I asked Allah to forgive me for abandoning Juwi, for disobeying Him, for worrying my parents and I asked Allah to help me become a better person and the best of father’s to my children.

I remember a few months ago when I began changing my life, everytime I missed the taste of alcohol or the feeling of being drunk, I sat and made dua asking Allah for His help. Dua became my get away and at that time Allah became my closest friend. So now do you blame me for getting angry when Juwi judged me?

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Chapter: 53 Responsibilities…

Zak’s POV (labour)

The doctor came out and informed us that Juwairiya is quite far dilated, so she’ll be having a normal birth and she wants her mother to be there as support.

I’ll be lying if I said, I wasn’t dissapointed that she wanted Aunty Ruqaya (Juwi’s mom) instead of me. Yes, I know what I told her, that we should go back to the way we were, but dammit, she was the one person who seemed like she understood why I did the things I did, but she had to spoil it and accuse me of swearing!

I wish I was in there supporting her and I wish I could have been one of the first faces my babies see!

I guess Juwi will never truly see me as their father. She doesn’t realise that I also have a right over these precious moments, they are mines too!

Fathima: Will you stop pacing up and down?

Me: I just want to be in there! What if something happens to my twins, what if something happens to Juwi?!?

Fathima: Her mother and Dr.Ebrahim is in there, she’ll be fine.

I finally sat..

Me: You’re right…

Fathima: What’s going on Zak?

Me: I don’t know hey, I just feel responsible for her and them.

Fathima: Haha, you’re supposed to, they are your kids…

Me: I know, but you know me Fathima, I care about very few people in this world and that was from before everything happened, so worrying about these kids, who I haven’t even seen yet, it just feels wrong.

Fathima: Chill bro, you’ll be an amazing father,  just stop blurting out horrible statements at their mother.

Me: Hey, I’m trying, but Juwi can be so frustrating at times!

Fathima: Haha, not going to even argue about that.

After what felt like days, Dr.Ebrahim came out smiling…

Doc: Congratulations! The babies are healthy and doing well..

Fathima: Girls or boys?!?!?

Doc: Haha, one girl and one boy, Fathima.

A sense of relief washed over me when he said that they were healthy, but that feeling of being responsible over another’s life just became stronger. A part of me wanted to run out of the hospital and never return and another part of me wanted to see them, hold them and protect them.

Fathima: How’s Juwi doing?

Doc: She’s doing well, just a bit weak and tired.

I couldn’t take it, I needed to get out of here, these kids need a better father than me, I can’t do this!

Whilst everyone congratulated each other, I started walking out slowly so that no one realises that I’m missing.

I managed to discreetly get to my car without getting stopped by anyone, I got in and let go of a breath which I didn’t even realise I was holding. Without thinking twice, I started the car and sped off with no destination in mind.

When I finally stopped the car, I found myself in front of the club I frequently visited when I heard Juwi was pregnant.
Every pulse in me wanted to go in and now that I had nothing to lose, I was never going to go back, so there was nothing stopping me!

I was about to get out of the car, when my eyes fell on the passenger seat, which was now messed. Regret flooded over me, but I quickly brushed it off, reminding myself that I doubt Juwi even wants me there.

I walked into the club and went straight upto the bar, the familiar smell of alcohol filled my lungs, oh this place was more like home for all those months, looking around I wonder, why did I ever stop?

Chapter: 52 Labour…

All the books, magazines, websites and blogs in the world can not prepare you enough for labour. I always thought that I’ll be the exception to the rule and my labour process will be easy. Sadly I was wrong, Zak’s car felt  claustrophobic and my contractions (well according to the book) felt like it was lasting longer each time.

Tears were rolling down my eyes, my clothes and Zak’s car was messed and all I could think of was these babies need to come out now!

I could hear Zak mumbling softly…

Me: What are you saying?

Zak: Urm, nothing.

Me: Don’t tell me you’re swearing whilst your babies are on their way to the world!

Zak: Just forget it Juwi! I thought you were the one person who wouldn’t judge me!
Once we get to the hospital, I think it’s best we go back to the way things were.

My sobs became louder now and these tears were not because of the physical pain, but for some reason a bit of my heart felt like it broke. This road trip had given me some hope, that maybe Zak would be here for me and the twins and a small part of me believed that one day we could be a family, I guess I shouldn’t have built castles in the sky.

We finally reached the hospital and I was rushed to the maternity ward. I always wanted a natural birth, but Dr. Ebrahim had said it’s best to have a ceaser when expecting twins.

Dr.Ebrahim: Juwairiya, I think your wish is coming true.

Me: What do you mean?

Dr.Ebrahim: The babies are already is position and we can go through with a natural birth if you wish to.

At that point a ceaser seemed like heaven, but the picture of my mother telling me that Dr.Ebrahim is speaking nonsense and I should have a natural birth came in front of me.

Me: I’ll have a natural birth doc.

Dr.Ebrahim: Who should I call in?

Me: My mother, please.

After two hours of labour and pain, and my mother’s soothing words and duas my babies had finally arrived, two adorable babies, one boy and one girl looked up at me as they placed them on my tummy. Tears flowed down my eyes as I whispered “Alhumdullilah”.

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